Saturday, 31 October 2015

Have A Hellish Hallowe'en...

A Happy Hallowe'en to everyone. Sleep well tonight. Remember, all Devilish characters are really ancient super-beings from the planet Daemos, or somewhere else. Ghosts are either holographic projections designed to scare away nosey theatre proprietors, psychic transmitters designed to summon alien rescue missions / invasion forces, or projections of time-travelers stuck in pocket universes.
Should you see a scarecrow suddenly come to life as you walk across a lonely field at dusk, fret not - it's just the Master up to his latest hair-brained scheme, or perhaps some fringe animation by the Family of Blood.
Vampires only exist in E-Space, and werewolves are aliens from the planet Vulpana who can be quite nice when you get to know them, or lupine haemo-varioforms. They'll still rip you apart, but at least you'll know there is a sound scientific principle behind the blood-thirsty beast. (Don't die in ignorance...).
See any Thin Men, don't worry - you'll forget them when you look away.
Should the Frankenstein Monster lumber up your stairs, check first that it isn't the Time Lord Morbius. (If it's half lobster, it's him). Challenge him to a game of Twister, and he'll probably blow a gasket and storm off into the night. You might want to have a blazing torch handy so you can force him over a nearby convenient ravine. (If there isn't a ravine nearby, build one).
If it isn't Morbius, it might be a robot from the Festival of Ghana, in which case it is only dangerous to Daleks.
If you're unfortunate to live beside a museum where the Mummies tend to walk about a bit late at night, just try giving them a salute, or track down the reanimated corpse who controls them and steal his ring so that you can order them not to throttle you. (Clue - try the big gloomy house in the woods with the weird organ music playing before you knock on any of your other neighbours' doors).
The only thing I will caution against is any stone statue that might follow you home from the local cemetery. Keep a close eye on it. Don't even blink...

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